the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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