Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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