He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
