need another drink. this is the easiest way
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
