I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
this is an emotional support booty call
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
