Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
