Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize