mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
