The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You're earring is so big in my mouth
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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