Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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