My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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