Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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