Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
