he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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