Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
