I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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