he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
