How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
