I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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