at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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