He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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