I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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