After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
