I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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