I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
