I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
