my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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