So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she smelled like a LAN party
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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