I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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