u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
