We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
