for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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