he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
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if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
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Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize