I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Randomize
