dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
