Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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