Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
