one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
