my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
