someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
