I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
