I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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