I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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