I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
