It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
you had me at cake vodka
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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