I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
