don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
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his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize