I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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