I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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