I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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