I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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