I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
