My nipple is on Facebook.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
