i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
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Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
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Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.