umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
