im drinking this country out of the recession.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
