Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
