The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
