Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
