$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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