I wanna bring you to show and tell
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
