Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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