we're chasing vodka with high fives
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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