All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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