he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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