I will die if light touches me.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
it glows. i had to have it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
