Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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