I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well I just put wine in my tea
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
